Archives

All posts for the month March, 2012

TALL, DARK AND TURKANA ;)

Published March 30, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

So I was thinking to myself and I wouldn’t be shocked if in the next few months the requirements a man would need to get a Kenyan women would probably be that he is tall, dark, handsome and turkana.

Seeing as our brothers in the north now have oil, and seeing as most Kenyan women go by the motto “no romance without finance”

I wouldn’t be shocked if in those “looking for love” columns in the newspaper, I would see something like “27 year old lady looking for a 30 year old tall, dark, handsome man particularly from the turkana community for a serious commitment”

I think we’ll even start meeting more men who are Turkana now; because Lord knows in all my years of living I have never met a single Turkana man or woman for that matter. Apart from the constant famine experienced in that region and wide CNN coverage they get because of hunger, they now have something to brag about.

And I can’t wait for the scandals to start, remember when the Chinese came to build the “superhighway” there were random half cast Chinese babies being born to random women? Yes it seems the Chinese also came on another mission. Sad but true, so to my dear turkana brothers, the oil discovery has probably given you the chance to mate freely with desperate women who seriously need money.

She aint messing with no broke!

And on that note I shall leave you to come up with your own assumptions people.

God bless Africa.

Advertisements

Every Cloud Has A Whaaaaaat ??

Published March 27, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

Hey people, so i know i’ve been abit quiet but the past few days have been abit too shitty for me. Let me bore you with my woes,lol.

Follow your dreams

So apart from this blog, i have one other thing that i love doing and that’s MUSIC. I would die for it, ask any of my close friends… So everything seemed like it was going to work out, but shit happened and am back to fucking square one. Have you ever sacrificed so much for something but it all ends in seconds?I swear i have never been so angry in my life. I find this world so unfair, wow, highschool definitely didn’t prepare me for this, but the harder the challenge the sweeter the fruit at the end, yes? this probably does not make any sense to you but my very close friends know what am talking about.

So i thought i should just give up, but here’s the thing, i think you know you really love something when even after 2 years of trying too hard your still willing to try again and again and again. So thats what I’ll keep on doing. You really don’t want to live your life regretting and hating yourself because you gave up too soon. You never know if the next time you try you’ll finally get what you wanted. Plus i think what makes it really hard is our parents, its really hard trying to explain to them that this is what you love and you do not see yourself being an engineer or doctor or whatever. Note that i am not talking about my parents they are completely on board.

I think at the end of the day its just important to remember that no one else understands what you love doing more than you and no one else can bring you down more than you can. You are your worst enemy. Motivate yourselves, if you have to get a huge manilla paper and write in very big letters what you want to accomplish in reference to your dream, do so, and stick it somewhere in your room so that every morning when you wake up, you do so with the same drive and motivation.. This is YOUR life that you are living. Stop being so fucking scared about people telling you you can’t make it or people laughing off what you want to do. Only YOU can understand your dreams best and ONLY YOU can make them a fucking reality. Every cloud has a silver lining people 🙂 And fuck those who do not support you!!

Need to get back to Glee soooooo have an awesome day 🙂

Why I want to be a guy for a day….

Published March 21, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

Sometimes I think it just sucks balls being a girl. When you’re a girl,

You’re going to meet that guy that you’ll end up wanting so badly but you can’t be with because everything’s against you being with him, and because your also scared he won’t be the real deal. You’re a girl, so you end up over thinking the situation. See if I was a boy, I’d hook up with anyone I wanted any day, without regrets coz I know I’d be able to get everyone I wanted. And at the end of the day it would just be sex, wouldn’t matter if I could remember how the girl looked the next day.

Its Just sex BEBE

When you’re a girl you’re going to have drama with other bitches over shit you didn’t even expect. You’re going to bitch about each other and everyone’s going to know there’s drama and you’ll have bitches who didn’t even know you talking about you. How easy is it when you’re a guy? They might have drama but at the end of the day it’s never that serious, they’re still boys when the day is over.

No More FUCKING Drama

When you’re a girl, you cannot hook up with someone’s ex or someone’s crush. So what happens if your feelings are actually genuine and you’re not doing it to hurt anyone? Should you sacrifice your happiness for chicks over dicks? And if that chick was your friend, isn’t she supposed to be happy for you? I know guys who do not mind if they’re boy ended up with they’re ex, because you’re supposed to leave the past in the past. Ladies, leave the past in the past!! And leave the present and future you can’t have to the girl who can have it!

Another thing, girls are way tooo emotional, too too emotional. And emotions are the reason why women are sometimes so difficult to deal with.  Men are detached from their emotions, well most men I know, but nowadays I swear some men are so emotional its disgusting, if you fall under this category please change because we can’t have two women in a relationship.

Stop with the Emotions

Lastly, as a woman you can’t just walk around in your bra on a hot day. And how unfair is that, how many times, in this hot country, have you wanted to just remove your top and walk around in a bra, but you can’t because everyone is so fucking conservative!! And you’ll probably get stripped in town, lol.. I call for rights to walk around in a bra, lest we die from this heat. Men can walk around in their vests and even go shirtless, how lucky are they?

I’d so love to be a guy for a day.

FAKE FRIENDS… FIND ‘EM OUT!!

Published March 18, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

So True!

I think the one thing our parents forgot to tell us as we were growing up was that not everything lasts forever, your closest friend might end up being your worst enemy and that as you progress in life you are going to have people befriending you for their own personal benefits but once you hit your lowest points, they’d disappear, and would suddenly develop selective amnesia about ever knowing you.

The other day, a friend of mine put this short story as his update on Facebook:

“A young mosquito went out flying for the first time in its life. When it came back, the father asked, how was it out there and how did you feel? The young mosquito replied, it was great daddy, everyone was clapping for me.

The father replied: “No one was clapping for you. Everyone wanted to kill you. The more they clapped the more chances you were likely to die.

LESSON: In life, not all the people who celebrate with you are well-wishers.”

And how true is this story?? I mean, how many times have we had our ‘friends’ say how proud they are of us but immediately you have something bad going on in your life, they stop talking to you and develop this negative attitude towards you. Am a diehard reggae fan and I was listening to Cecile’s part in faithful riddim “ find em out, find em out, find em out you hafi find em out it took me a little while, better late than never now we have them found!” Find out who your true, ride or die friends are, because this world gets lonely sometimes and you do not want to seek company in a fake friend. They will kill your ambition, kill your reputation, leave you at your most fragile moments and turn up when you’ve risen from your ashes. FIND ‘EM OUT!!

And most of us know who they are so for once in your life how about you stop being so nice; let them know what you think about them by cutting all ties with them. No need in keeping a poisonous snake by your bedside every time you go to bed hoping you’ll wake up alive the next day, FIND ‘EM OUT!

IF YOUR CURVY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS :)

Published March 15, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

TELL ME!!

If there’s one thing African men should be proud of its their women!!! There is no other continent that has this many curvy women. So its always funny when am reading celebrity gossip and writers are praising Kim Kardashian’s body, whose a 34-26-39, barely curvy in Africa!! 34?? 34??????? i had size 34 boobs when i started highschool, lol, am at 38 now, hallelujah to that 😀 but it seems they’ve stopped growing, haha.

AFRICA IS THE LAND OF CURVES! And am not talking about bought curves, am talking about real natural shit! So it really saddens me when i see girls trying to lose their curves so that they can look like those runway models. What the fuck is a size zero??  Because why the hell would i want to be a size nothing? Like how do you even wear a dress without a size? i wanna say am a size 8, not a size zerrooooo! And speaking of, when did size 8 stop becoming the fad? Because  i woke up one day and it was more fashionable to have your ribs hanging out of your chest. Ladies, embrace those curves, because they kill men!! i can’t tell you how many times i’ve had conversations with guys and the only thing that comes up is ASS, ASS, ASS or BOOBS, BOOBS,BOOBS! Yes, i check out girls too,lol… but no, am not a lesbian, 100% straight!!

Nothiiiiing 🙂

And for those girls who aren’t blessed with curves, please don’t go buy those butt enhancing creams or whatever, because what happens when they backfire and you have one ass cheek thats bigger than the other? Just flaunt what you’ve got!! And for those not blessed in the chest area, thats why we’ve got padded bra’s!! Men would be so shocked if they knew the difference these bra’s make! no, she’s no pamela anderson, just a girl with a padded bra 🙂

So ladies, embrace that ass,swing it everytime you walk, hold your boobs in public if it makes you feel better,haha… because no one was created like you and you’re beautiful just the way you are, FUCK SOCIETY,ROCK THOSE DAMN CURVES! And lets make size zero soooooo last year 🙂

THE MEN IN HER LIFE

Published March 12, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

So in every girls life there are different type of men, that make or break her,

MR WRONG

You have the random men that will pass through your life, the ugly frogs, metaphorically speaking ofcourse. Your going to kiss them, your going to get disappointed but thats life. And whats life without it’s challenges 🙂 and you might think that you’ll never find that guy you’ve been waiting for, note i didn’t say “the one”  too effin cliche!!  but trust me at the end of that line of ugly frogs, will be that fine ass nigga you’ve always wanted  :p

You have that one ex that you and everyone else can’t seem to forget, your friends do not get why you ever dated, but thats the thing, no one will ever understand, and there’s some sought of beauty in that 🙂 its that ex that you love to hate but still can’t forget coz you shared the best moments ever. That ex that brought along so much drama but upto today, the whole drama just seemed worth it…spiced up your life. That ex that you planned a whole future with but who knew the future he talked about was tomorrow and not the days after, yeah, that ex, and its upto you to decide if you want to let his memory burn you to the ground, or whether you’ll rise above the drama and be your own separate entity without having his name mentioned every single time someone talks about you.

SHE LOVES ME NOT

You have that one guy that’s always there for you, through the good and bad,the tears and the laughs. That guy thats always worried if your not happy, that guy that you probably don’t know you need, and by the time you do, it might be too late.Coz all he wants is you, and its about time you realised that true love isn’t that fairytale you read when you were 10, true love is the way he looks at you, treats you, the little things he does for you, that you take for granted. He is true love.

I LOVE MY DAD!

Then you have your dad, the one man that at the end of the day is going to have your back through thick or thin, you might hate him now, but trust me, he’s the only man thats going to treat you like the princess you are.Your father.  And the only thing he has at the back of his head during a shitty day, are your needs. Appreciate him while you still can. And with that I LOVE MY FATHER, FREDRICK M NDONYE! Coz he treats me like the princess i am, and he’s always got my back, even through all the shit i’ve put him through. And Lord knows i am not the type of daughter anyone would wish for,lol.. And am sorry i never appreciated you sooner daddy 🙂

S/O TO THAT FAKE NIGGA!! WE LOVE YOU!

Published March 9, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

Yeah so I know you probably wondering why am giving shout outs to fake people but unlike thee am willing to appreciate their unwanted existence,lol. So shout out to you if you’re fake, yes, I appreciate you!! I know you can all relate to this post 🙂

Shout out to that fake bitch that watched you getting hurt in a relationship and did nothing to help you, that bitch that knew you were gonna get hurt but waited for you to get hurt then showered you with her sympathy.

Shout out to that fake bitch (nigga) who “twangs” like what the fuck is that?

Ok I know some people went to really good schools so if they talked like that I would never blame them but you who went to sijui Kingang’op boys, where did you get that fancy accent from mate? Yeah and also that lawyer supporting that motion that sex workers should have rights! RIGHTS? Like is that a fucking joke? Yeah, so that’s beside the point, in fact that will be a whole other post but shout out to her “twang” LOL

Shout out to that fake bitch that watches television and borrows personalities. Some retarded shit! Lol.

Shout out to that fake bitch (nigga) that LIES FOREVER!

yeah you pathological liar, see a psychiatrist please!! What is the use of lying? People who love you for you will accept you the way you are, stop lying!! And if they can’t accept you am sure someone else will.

Shout out to that fake bitch (nigga) who chooses to judge someone based on what they’ve heard without any proof. You are not innocent yourself! And karma is a serious bitch, so trust we all need each other at a point. CHANGE!

Shout out to that fake bitch nigga who acts like a bitch, and am not talking about gay people (bitch not to mean woman) so don’t misquote me! Am talking about those boys who sit around and gossip like mama mboga’s. Am talking about those boys who make up fake stories about sleeping with mama’s they haven’t even said hi too! Am talking about those boys who know how to call women whores when they are the real whores. And lastly am talking about that bitch nigga that hates you for no apparent reason, yeah shout out to you and FUCK YOU.

YeaH!

Shout out to fake bitch niggas who act like women, haha, yes, WOMEN, no am still not talking about gays, am talking about those guys who throw tantrums in a relationship, that guy who makes you feel like you’re responsible for everything that goes wrong in that relationship, nagging and nagging and NAGGING! that guy that blames you for everything, that guy that’s just a fucking woman. Oh, and that guy that cries for no apparent reason! I don’t have a problem with guys crying, it’s refreshing sometimes but seriously si you just act like you have the balls in the relationship??

Shout out to fake bitches that spread their legs to get ahead. AIDS is real woman! And I do not get why nowadays women are more scared of getting pregnant than getting AIDS.  Get ahead to mean, sleeping around to get ahead at work, or sleeping around to get what she wants, like getting a guys kid so as to keep him. Btw, word to the boys, nowadays there are some psycho women out there, watch out, know who you fuck, coz when she wants you she will do ANYTHING to keep you. Even drug you and rape you, and can you imagine trying to explain to your boys that a mama raped you? LOL. WATCH OUT.

And lastly, shout out to fake bitches that interfere in peoples relationships. It isn’t your relationship so what the fuck is your problem? Why you so nosy?  Whatever problem someone has with their guy is their problem, bitch get lost. Yeah and some guys also do that shit nowadays, fake bitch nigga! Act like a fucking man!

So yeah, SHOUT OUT TO THAT FAKE BITCH(NIGGA) we love you!

%d bloggers like this: