Published April 25, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

Yeah BEBE 😉

So I know that we are ALL guilty of hating on people we know and even people we don’t really know. But it got me thinking, how bad do you feel when you find out people have been talking about you. In the beginning you feel bad but with time it just gets old and (for me) exciting cause its free publicity in case you ever plan on being a celebrity one day, lol.

You don’t really know anyone’s life once you part ways with them. So i’ll make this post short.

The next time you’re talking about someone being a snob, be sure that they aren’t just shy and have a problem opening up to people. The next time you’re talking about someone being a bitch, make sure you’ve held a decent conversation with them to ascertain that statement. The next time you talk about someone being anorexic, be sure to find out they actually starve themselves. The next time you talk about someone being a loser, make sure you aren’t one yourself. The next time you talk about someone having dirty old fashioned clothes, make sure that they don’t come from a poverty stricken family that can’t afford the clothes you wear. The next time you talk about someone’s life, think about the possibility of minding your own business.

The next time you talk about someone being a brat, make sure you’re not jealous, and try working harder so that you can also be a brat 🙂 The next time you think your better than someone else, remember we all came into this world naked, no one had a Louis Vuitton umbilical cord tied to them, and we will all leave this world the same, through death, because death does not choose! The next time you talk about someone being fat, pray you never blow up in the near future. The next time you talk about someone being ugly, remember God created us in his own image and likeness (I hope that’s right, haven’t heard that line in a while 😛 ) and to him we are all the same so your also pretty ugly 🙂

Life is short, make amends now, and start appreciating. There’s so much to that person you can’t stop talking shit about!


Published April 21, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

As promised, my final list of the things i do not want to regret when am 50 are here 🙂

So as a continuation i’ll start it off from number 8.

8. Realising that i never used the opportunity of “having parents”. People are always complaining about their folks, its a shame that we never realise that we are the lucky ones and there enough people out there who would do anything to have parents. Your parents are God’s greatest gift to you, till the day you have your own kids. The are the only people in this world who would die for you without a question or sacrifice everything they have for you. You are blessed. So how about today you do something sweet for your mum or dad. Cook them dinner or just tell them you love them. Life is so short, you never know when their end is near. LOVE YOUR PARENTS.

9 Living my life seeing the glass half empty. There is nothing more sad than a pessimist. Life has so many opportunities. If theres one thing i’ve learnt its that everything that happens in life happens for a good reason. And i know sometimes it just seems like nothing good is ever going to happen to you, that you try so hard so whats the use of being so opportunustic when clearly nothing good is ever going to happen. I think God lets us go through tough times as a test, he wants to see how badly you want that job, that marriage, that size 8 figure. And sometimes you want to tell yourself that you pray but He never hears you, but i have something that will probably answer that. The other day my friend put up the following status update, ” if you think that God never hears your prayers, remember the teacher is always silent during a test”. Do not let yourself become a bitter old woman or man!

10. Being on the brink of death not knowing what people will ever remember me for. I have nothing against partying, infact if you know me you know i was quite the party animal back then and till now, i definitely won’t miss out on a good party…. but i do not want to be remembered as that girl who was always wasted, partying and blah blah blah. That all superficial shit. I want to be remembered for doing something that probably changed someones life. People nowadays want to be like these crazy celebs who party and stuff but guess what, when Lil Wayne dies, he’s going to be remembered for taking hip hop to a whole other level! So think about what your purpose here on earth is and how its going to postitively affect others. And by all means party but do so knowing you’ve got other shit that people will always remember you for instead of being that guy that never missed a party.

And finally the last point on this list:

11. Living my life making excuses for my actions.  And by this, am not saying that you shouldn’t be empathetic. If you know me, you know that i do not fucking care about what people ever say, and that if i have something to say, i’ll say it to your fucking face. If i have something i want to do, i will do it to your fucking face. I think the only person i owe an explanation to is God. And my parents as long as i am living under their roof,lol. But every other person just isn’t worth it. Am not going to waste precious time making sure people understand why i ever did or said anything. As long as i know i did it for a good reason, thats good enough for me. In the world we live in, everyone feels entitled to your explanation, well i think its time we woke the world up and told it ” I ain’t giving you no fucking explanation!”

Good day 🙂



Published April 17, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

Hey lovely people, its been a while but am back bebe 😛 So much has happened in the past few days it got me thinking about the things i don’t want to regret when am 50. So heres a list of them.

I don't want to be lonely

1. I don’t want to be 50 and lonely because i had unrealistic expectations of the kind of man i want to end up married to.This year has been the year i realised so much, guys are just as human as we women are and they will fuck up!!! But that doesn’t mean that he can’t be that “right” guy. Am not going to say “the one” because i don’t believe there is such a thing as “the one”. I know widowers and divorced folks who find love again after losing “the one” so its all about finding THE RIGHT PERSON!

Very Sad

2. I don’t want to be an alcoholic. I know this may sound like a joke to most but i just realised, nowadays the rate the youth consume alcohol is crazy! And i think most alcoholics started out going for raves, getting wasted, drinking just for the sake, to look cool, to fit it, when they were stressed, or whatever. All am saying is, we consume alcohol like fucking beasts, i do not want to be absent when my children are growing up because every other day, i’ve blacked out in my room or every other night am out drinking like am being paid to do so. Or worse having your kid cleaning after you, throwing away your vodka bottles. Thats just fucking sad. I don’t want to lose my life because of any disease that might come about as a result of the drinking, i would never want to put my children through that pain and anguish, NEVER. So think about that.

3. I don’t want to have wrinkles!!!!! And incase you didn’t know alot of the stuff we do nowadays cause wrinkles. Like smoking, exposing yourself unprotected to this horrendous Kenyan sun (always and always apply sunscreen, SPF 50 and above if you live in Kenya,lol) taking sugar, yes taking sugar ages you faster than smoking does, dehydration, take 8 glasses of water daily. Plus its always important to work out and eat right, and i know its hard, but we can do it!! 🙂 You don’t want your husband cheating on you with a younger girl when your older because you lost your youth and sex appeal ladies!!

Love your Friends and Warn Them If You Have To

4. I do not want to lose my friends because i never warned them when i saw trouble coming. I want to grow old with my friends, i want us to be MILFS together 🙂 So if you drink and drive, stop! if you smoke, stop, be an occasional drinker and do not drink to get drunk.  And if your my friend and your reading this i love you so much and heed my advice 🙂

5.I don’t want to end up being in those ” i hate him” marriages. Like seriously, ladies why the hell would you marry a man you end up hating later? I think its important for people to marry for the right reasons, and this is also a lesson to myself incase i ever give the thought of marriage a chance. Do not marry for cash, theres no love there, do not marry him out of low self esteem, you can find a better man elsewhere!! everyone has someone who will treat him or her like a king or queen. But if theres love and theres money, go ahead,lol. Don’t let that go. Love your husbands, treat them like kings and if you have to,make love to him everday. And i think if you love your husbands you’ll never have a problem doing that. And husbands spoil your women if you want some good loving!!! 🙂 Be faithful and honest and never get those yucky beer bellys!

Get That Money!!

6. I do not want to be poor! poverty, the cause of all evils. I want to give my kids everything i’ve had the priviledge of having and everything i’ve never had. I don’t want to have crooks running around my house. If your kid wants something, they will do anything to get it. When i was a kid if  i wanted something i’d disturb my dad till he bought it, even if it meant crying for hours straight. That didn’t work for my mom though,lol. She’s too tough. So work hard people. Work for the future of your children, work for your reputation and work to be rich!! I do not care what any pastor says, there is nothing wrong with being stupid rich!!!

7. I don’t want to regret not standing up for something i believed in. Whether its a job you want to do, or telling your friends wasup, that you think they act like dicks sometimes, or telling that fake bitch that you don’t want her around you coz she’s making your life hell. People should  stand up for themselves and what they believe, and if you still have people around you at the end of the day, those are the real people in your life and the rest were just lessons.

I’ll probably add more with time but for now,have an awesome day people 🙂

He’s just not that into you….

Published April 7, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

  1. When you’re always the one calling him. He’s the man; he should be doing the calling!!! This also goes for texting. Have some self-dignity woman.
  2. When you’re the other woman. I know enough girls who are quite comfortable being the other girl because “he promised he’ll leave his girlfriend for me” Baby your just a tool, a toy. He needs you only for his sexual desires and that’s all you’ll ever be. You’re like a human dildo. He will never leave his girlfriend for you because it took him a very long time to get her and there’s no way he’ll leave that for a woman he got after inboxing her on Facebook 12 hours ago!
  3. When he hasn’t introduced you to his boys. Men love to brag about a woman they really like or love. And it’s almost inevitable that you will meet the boys in less than a month. But if you’ve been with him for a year and he still hasn’t introduced you to any of his boys you know there’s a problem.
  4. When he calls you another girls name while you’re at it. Haha, now this one is just self-explanatory, leave that nigga!! Because while you’re thinking of him, all he’s wishing is that it was that other girl and not you lying next to him.
  5. If he beats the crap out of you. No he doesn’t do it because he loves you!! He does it because he’s insecure and the only way he will make you as insecure as he is by beating the living day lights out of you. And if a man loves you, the last thing he wants is to make you feel scared or insecure. Leave him.
  6. If he compares you to another woman. He’s trying to make you become like the woman he wants, so instead of changing for him, leave him. A man who loves you loves YOU. He doesn’t want you to be like Emma, Rita or whoever.
  7. If he introduces you to people as his ‘friend’ yet when you’re both alone you’re his ‘girlfriend’. He is clearly embarrassed of you for some reason so how about you also feel a little embarrassed of him and leave him.
  8. If he cheats on you. Once a cheat always a cheat. Do not lie to yourself that he’s going to change, or you can make him change. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and if he cared about you he wouldn’t want to hurt you babe so leave him. No more tears!!
  9. When the only time he ever calls you is when he needs clean clothes and a neat house. And you should be so ashamed of yourself if you actually clear your schedule to go and clean up for a man you are not married to. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME ON YOU. So what happens when he’s tired of you and breaks it off after you continuously chipped your perfectly done manicure for that loser?? Leave him!

And lastly….

If he’s always breaking up with you and coming back telling you how he misses those days, blah, blah, blah.. Do not listen to that crap, he is immature and just wants to have fun with other girls but only misses you during the ‘dry seasons’. Do not be a fool. Don’t keep on going back to him. Leave him!


Published March 30, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

So I was thinking to myself and I wouldn’t be shocked if in the next few months the requirements a man would need to get a Kenyan women would probably be that he is tall, dark, handsome and turkana.

Seeing as our brothers in the north now have oil, and seeing as most Kenyan women go by the motto “no romance without finance”

I wouldn’t be shocked if in those “looking for love” columns in the newspaper, I would see something like “27 year old lady looking for a 30 year old tall, dark, handsome man particularly from the turkana community for a serious commitment”

I think we’ll even start meeting more men who are Turkana now; because Lord knows in all my years of living I have never met a single Turkana man or woman for that matter. Apart from the constant famine experienced in that region and wide CNN coverage they get because of hunger, they now have something to brag about.

And I can’t wait for the scandals to start, remember when the Chinese came to build the “superhighway” there were random half cast Chinese babies being born to random women? Yes it seems the Chinese also came on another mission. Sad but true, so to my dear turkana brothers, the oil discovery has probably given you the chance to mate freely with desperate women who seriously need money.

She aint messing with no broke!

And on that note I shall leave you to come up with your own assumptions people.

God bless Africa.

Every Cloud Has A Whaaaaaat ??

Published March 27, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

Hey people, so i know i’ve been abit quiet but the past few days have been abit too shitty for me. Let me bore you with my woes,lol.

Follow your dreams

So apart from this blog, i have one other thing that i love doing and that’s MUSIC. I would die for it, ask any of my close friends… So everything seemed like it was going to work out, but shit happened and am back to fucking square one. Have you ever sacrificed so much for something but it all ends in seconds?I swear i have never been so angry in my life. I find this world so unfair, wow, highschool definitely didn’t prepare me for this, but the harder the challenge the sweeter the fruit at the end, yes? this probably does not make any sense to you but my very close friends know what am talking about.

So i thought i should just give up, but here’s the thing, i think you know you really love something when even after 2 years of trying too hard your still willing to try again and again and again. So thats what I’ll keep on doing. You really don’t want to live your life regretting and hating yourself because you gave up too soon. You never know if the next time you try you’ll finally get what you wanted. Plus i think what makes it really hard is our parents, its really hard trying to explain to them that this is what you love and you do not see yourself being an engineer or doctor or whatever. Note that i am not talking about my parents they are completely on board.

I think at the end of the day its just important to remember that no one else understands what you love doing more than you and no one else can bring you down more than you can. You are your worst enemy. Motivate yourselves, if you have to get a huge manilla paper and write in very big letters what you want to accomplish in reference to your dream, do so, and stick it somewhere in your room so that every morning when you wake up, you do so with the same drive and motivation.. This is YOUR life that you are living. Stop being so fucking scared about people telling you you can’t make it or people laughing off what you want to do. Only YOU can understand your dreams best and ONLY YOU can make them a fucking reality. Every cloud has a silver lining people 🙂 And fuck those who do not support you!!

Need to get back to Glee soooooo have an awesome day 🙂

Why I want to be a guy for a day….

Published March 21, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

Sometimes I think it just sucks balls being a girl. When you’re a girl,

You’re going to meet that guy that you’ll end up wanting so badly but you can’t be with because everything’s against you being with him, and because your also scared he won’t be the real deal. You’re a girl, so you end up over thinking the situation. See if I was a boy, I’d hook up with anyone I wanted any day, without regrets coz I know I’d be able to get everyone I wanted. And at the end of the day it would just be sex, wouldn’t matter if I could remember how the girl looked the next day.

Its Just sex BEBE

When you’re a girl you’re going to have drama with other bitches over shit you didn’t even expect. You’re going to bitch about each other and everyone’s going to know there’s drama and you’ll have bitches who didn’t even know you talking about you. How easy is it when you’re a guy? They might have drama but at the end of the day it’s never that serious, they’re still boys when the day is over.

No More FUCKING Drama

When you’re a girl, you cannot hook up with someone’s ex or someone’s crush. So what happens if your feelings are actually genuine and you’re not doing it to hurt anyone? Should you sacrifice your happiness for chicks over dicks? And if that chick was your friend, isn’t she supposed to be happy for you? I know guys who do not mind if they’re boy ended up with they’re ex, because you’re supposed to leave the past in the past. Ladies, leave the past in the past!! And leave the present and future you can’t have to the girl who can have it!

Another thing, girls are way tooo emotional, too too emotional. And emotions are the reason why women are sometimes so difficult to deal with.  Men are detached from their emotions, well most men I know, but nowadays I swear some men are so emotional its disgusting, if you fall under this category please change because we can’t have two women in a relationship.

Stop with the Emotions

Lastly, as a woman you can’t just walk around in your bra on a hot day. And how unfair is that, how many times, in this hot country, have you wanted to just remove your top and walk around in a bra, but you can’t because everyone is so fucking conservative!! And you’ll probably get stripped in town, lol.. I call for rights to walk around in a bra, lest we die from this heat. Men can walk around in their vests and even go shirtless, how lucky are they?

I’d so love to be a guy for a day.


Published March 18, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

So True!

I think the one thing our parents forgot to tell us as we were growing up was that not everything lasts forever, your closest friend might end up being your worst enemy and that as you progress in life you are going to have people befriending you for their own personal benefits but once you hit your lowest points, they’d disappear, and would suddenly develop selective amnesia about ever knowing you.

The other day, a friend of mine put this short story as his update on Facebook:

“A young mosquito went out flying for the first time in its life. When it came back, the father asked, how was it out there and how did you feel? The young mosquito replied, it was great daddy, everyone was clapping for me.

The father replied: “No one was clapping for you. Everyone wanted to kill you. The more they clapped the more chances you were likely to die.

LESSON: In life, not all the people who celebrate with you are well-wishers.”

And how true is this story?? I mean, how many times have we had our ‘friends’ say how proud they are of us but immediately you have something bad going on in your life, they stop talking to you and develop this negative attitude towards you. Am a diehard reggae fan and I was listening to Cecile’s part in faithful riddim “ find em out, find em out, find em out you hafi find em out it took me a little while, better late than never now we have them found!” Find out who your true, ride or die friends are, because this world gets lonely sometimes and you do not want to seek company in a fake friend. They will kill your ambition, kill your reputation, leave you at your most fragile moments and turn up when you’ve risen from your ashes. FIND ‘EM OUT!!

And most of us know who they are so for once in your life how about you stop being so nice; let them know what you think about them by cutting all ties with them. No need in keeping a poisonous snake by your bedside every time you go to bed hoping you’ll wake up alive the next day, FIND ‘EM OUT!


Published March 15, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick


If there’s one thing African men should be proud of its their women!!! There is no other continent that has this many curvy women. So its always funny when am reading celebrity gossip and writers are praising Kim Kardashian’s body, whose a 34-26-39, barely curvy in Africa!! 34?? 34??????? i had size 34 boobs when i started highschool, lol, am at 38 now, hallelujah to that 😀 but it seems they’ve stopped growing, haha.

AFRICA IS THE LAND OF CURVES! And am not talking about bought curves, am talking about real natural shit! So it really saddens me when i see girls trying to lose their curves so that they can look like those runway models. What the fuck is a size zero??  Because why the hell would i want to be a size nothing? Like how do you even wear a dress without a size? i wanna say am a size 8, not a size zerrooooo! And speaking of, when did size 8 stop becoming the fad? Because  i woke up one day and it was more fashionable to have your ribs hanging out of your chest. Ladies, embrace those curves, because they kill men!! i can’t tell you how many times i’ve had conversations with guys and the only thing that comes up is ASS, ASS, ASS or BOOBS, BOOBS,BOOBS! Yes, i check out girls too,lol… but no, am not a lesbian, 100% straight!!

Nothiiiiing 🙂

And for those girls who aren’t blessed with curves, please don’t go buy those butt enhancing creams or whatever, because what happens when they backfire and you have one ass cheek thats bigger than the other? Just flaunt what you’ve got!! And for those not blessed in the chest area, thats why we’ve got padded bra’s!! Men would be so shocked if they knew the difference these bra’s make! no, she’s no pamela anderson, just a girl with a padded bra 🙂

So ladies, embrace that ass,swing it everytime you walk, hold your boobs in public if it makes you feel better,haha… because no one was created like you and you’re beautiful just the way you are, FUCK SOCIETY,ROCK THOSE DAMN CURVES! And lets make size zero soooooo last year 🙂


Published March 12, 2012 by That Crazy African Chick

So in every girls life there are different type of men, that make or break her,


You have the random men that will pass through your life, the ugly frogs, metaphorically speaking ofcourse. Your going to kiss them, your going to get disappointed but thats life. And whats life without it’s challenges 🙂 and you might think that you’ll never find that guy you’ve been waiting for, note i didn’t say “the one”  too effin cliche!!  but trust me at the end of that line of ugly frogs, will be that fine ass nigga you’ve always wanted  :p

You have that one ex that you and everyone else can’t seem to forget, your friends do not get why you ever dated, but thats the thing, no one will ever understand, and there’s some sought of beauty in that 🙂 its that ex that you love to hate but still can’t forget coz you shared the best moments ever. That ex that brought along so much drama but upto today, the whole drama just seemed worth it…spiced up your life. That ex that you planned a whole future with but who knew the future he talked about was tomorrow and not the days after, yeah, that ex, and its upto you to decide if you want to let his memory burn you to the ground, or whether you’ll rise above the drama and be your own separate entity without having his name mentioned every single time someone talks about you.


You have that one guy that’s always there for you, through the good and bad,the tears and the laughs. That guy thats always worried if your not happy, that guy that you probably don’t know you need, and by the time you do, it might be too late.Coz all he wants is you, and its about time you realised that true love isn’t that fairytale you read when you were 10, true love is the way he looks at you, treats you, the little things he does for you, that you take for granted. He is true love.


Then you have your dad, the one man that at the end of the day is going to have your back through thick or thin, you might hate him now, but trust me, he’s the only man thats going to treat you like the princess you are.Your father.  And the only thing he has at the back of his head during a shitty day, are your needs. Appreciate him while you still can. And with that I LOVE MY FATHER, FREDRICK M NDONYE! Coz he treats me like the princess i am, and he’s always got my back, even through all the shit i’ve put him through. And Lord knows i am not the type of daughter anyone would wish for,lol.. And am sorry i never appreciated you sooner daddy 🙂

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